Jesus Gutierrez

Forever : 29
Tucson, AZ
Total Views : 24
Since : 6/2/2024 - 7:27 AM
Total Comments : 0
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Submitted by: Naomi Martinez
My son Jesus - those we have met along the way have heard your story and felt our struggle. But what many may not know is precisely how many times I wished we could turn back time and remember exactly who we were before mental illness and drug addiction took over.

That is definitely not the topic many want to hear about, and some will never acknowledge similarities. But I must be honest, not so that you are remembered in a negative light, because many moments were beautiful, but so we can help others with your story...and unfortunately addiction made some memories not so pretty. So, I will speak of you through how I believe you felt through your eyes...

You were anxious and scared of the demons that you battled in your mind. The thoughts that consumed you and made you believe that you were unworthy.

The acts you committed that made you too embarrassed to speak out loud, and those that made you think you were unclean.

The behaviors that you believed had to be done so that you could keep people away at a safe distance, close but not too close, so that they wouldn't ever be able to be affected by you or your battles. And yet, there were good things that we all could see and feel that you were never ready to hear or see...

Those wonderful bear hugs and soft forehead kisses you would give often felt like you never wanted to let go as if you knew that it might be the last you'd give.

You gifted so many words of encouragement and wisdom to others when they were at their lowest, but you could not see in yourself...I often get reminders from the people who were able to experience those blessings.

The times you would give your last dollar, cigarette, or shirt off your back, not knowing when you could replace it because your faith was always much bigger and more significant than mine.

That beautiful smile and contagious laugh when you were probably doing some prank or cracking jokes with your sister.

The compassion you had for others fighting similar battles, encouraging them so selflessly, never thinking when it would be reciprocated, not ever expecting it.

The creative hustle you had for getting what you wanted and needed, even if it wasn't the best for you...though you amazed me every time you did it.

The intelligence that was in you way before you knew it was there...testing at a college level in elementary. You could create electronic devices from broken cell phones and computers that always baffled me when you did and made me proud...my hope was to see you succeed in that role.

My son, my firstborn. The child that showed me what unconditional love is. The child that would wipe mom's tears even before he should have known what emotional pain and heartache was. You made me the strong mother I am today... and because of it I will forever remember you, always speak of you, the good and the bad, and love you to infinity and beyond...My Squiggy...love mom.
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